long time no see

assalammualaikum,

by the time i write this, many things have changed,
me also have changed..
dont know whether a good shift or bad..
guess sometimes i was afraid with myself..
not a good sign to begin with..

its real.
i have changed.
and i fear what i'm capable of..
one night,
in the middle of the kitchen, when i was cooking,
i felt a wondrous hatred.
hatred to whom? i'm not sure.
just a plain hatred lurking to overpower me.
it happened frequently following that night

the saviour, of course Allah.
i have a religion, a belief, a creed or whatever you might called.
i've tied a knot with Islam and that sets my boundary.
my faculty of reasons- is a great gift from Allah.

mentall illness? nope.
just plain craziness i guess.
or just an immature way of expressing dissatisfaction of life.